August 25

It’s Friday afternoon, and I’m sick. Like sick sick – fever, chills, coughing, wheezing – sick. It sucks and I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’m sitting alone in my room here in Otavalo and there’s no one to offer me soup or tea or to kiss my forehead. I’m feeling really lonely. As I walked home from the bus drop-off (for whatever reason I went to school today), I started to cry because there would be no one at home to try to make me feel better.

And of course I’m being a drama queen only because I’m outside the US. I’ve gone back and forth today thinking I either have pneumonia or meningitis. Why those things? Because it would be too simple if I just had a bad chest cold like some of the kids in my school. So I kind of feel like an idiot feeling so sorry for myself and making this into a bigger thing than it is. After all, one of the reasons I’m here is to gain some much-needed perspective in my life. If any of my kids did have pneumonia or meningitis they wouldn’t even be able to afford to see a doctor, and I’m crying because I’m sick and no one here loves me. Drama queen!

But it’s just so depressing to know that no one really cares that I’m sick. Don’t get me wrong, the other volunteers have been sympathetic, but it’s not the same thing. And Rosario is out, so it’s not like I even have a mother figure I could turn to. At present the only people home are Danny and his girlfriend. They’re super sweet, but they could care less that the strange girl from America is feeling awful and needs a little attention.

I guess this is when it gets hard – when things aren’t going smoothly and the thought of being home in my nice comfortable surroundings, with my husband who loves me, just seems so attractive. I’m sitting here coughing and wheezing and wondering, “What the fuck am I doing in Ecuador?!” But I know this too shall pass, and by Monday I’ll probably be good as new.